Marriage Resource
APA | Liturgics
Marriage Resource
1. Introduction
Congratulations on this important step in your life together as a couple. It is the intention of the church to help you not only in the creation of a beautiful and meaningful wedding ceremony, but in the laying of a firm foundation for a successful, happy, and lifelong marriage. It is our desire to walk with you as you enter into married life. This commitment is in harmony with the statement on marriage in the Manual of the Church of the Nazarene:
The Christian family, knit together in a common bond through Jesus Christ, is a circle of love, fellowship, and worship to be earnestly cultivated in a society in which family ties are easily dissolved. We urge upon the ministry and congregations of our church such teachings and practices as will strengthen and develop family ties. In particular, we urge upon the ministry the importance of teaching and preaching clearly the biblical plan of the permanence of Marriage….Our people should cherish this sacred estate as becomes Christians, and should enter it only after earnest prayer for divine direction, and when assured that the contemplated union is in accordance with scriptural requirements. They should seek earnestly the blessings that God has ordained in connection with the wedded state, namely, holy companionship, parenthood, and mutual love—the elements of home building. (Manual, Church of the Nazarene, Sec. 35)
This document is meant to be a guide and primary reference for the couple and minister as you prepare to become husband and wife. In it you’ll find a checklist for the process leading up to the wedding day, basic information sheet, a wedding ceremony planning guide, and some references to help you plan. May God bless you richly as you prayerfully approach this next step in your relationship!
2. Wedding Preparation Checklist
The following steps outline the process from the point you decide to get married until you say “I DO”. This process has been put in place in order to ensure that you receive the best possible pastoral care as you prepare for marriage. It also serves as an organizational tool to help you manage some of the details involved in planning a wedding service
Schedule a meeting with your pastor about your intentions to get married. He/she will be able to give you initial spiritual guidance and a general overview of the process.
Choose an officiant (the clergy who will officiate at the service). If you have a home church, this will typically be your pastor. If you desire to invite a visiting minister to participate in the wedding as an officiant, make this request of your pastor early in the process. Choose a date and potential location for the wedding. If your wedding will be held in a church building, make yourself aware of any wedding policies that the church has in place and reserve the location. Confirm the date and time of the wedding.
Fill out section 3 of this document (Basic Information Sheet) as much as possible and give to your pastor/officiant as soon as possible. This will ensure clear communication for the rest of the process. Update it as you move forward in the planning. Begin the process of pre-marital counseling with a trained Christian facilitator. Options include your pastor, or a licensed family therapist or counselor. The church or officiant may have policies in place that require adherence to a set number of sessions before a wedding will be celebrated. It is best to begin these pre-marital sessions four to six months before the wedding if possible. A minimum of 6-8 sessions are recommended. Depending on where you and your officiant live, it may be necessary for you to find someone other than your officiant to serve as counselor.
Read section 4 of this document carefully. The template will serve as a guide as you work together with your officiant in the planning of the wedding service. Jot down initial ideas, notes, and questions you may have about the ceremony. Meet with your officiant to begin planning the service.
Contact musicians, Scripture readers, bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers, candle lighters, ring bearers, etc. you intend to ask to be a part of your wedding. If your wedding is held in a church building, there may be a policy in place about choosing a sound engineer and wedding coordinator.
If you have chosen a wedding coordinator, meet with him/her if possible to discuss their role in the details before, during, and after the ceremony. Their primary role will be to assist with the logistics of the rehearsal, wedding, reception, etc. Choose someone who is organized, assertive, and dependable.
A few weeks before your wedding, apply for a marriage license from your state. Expect to pay a nominal fee for this document. You will need to bring it with you the day of the wedding.
2-3 weeks before the wedding day, confirm the order of service and the list of all participants with your officiant and coordinator. Get copies of any pre-recorded music and/or video to the sound engineer.
Enjoy the wedding day!
3. Basic Information Sheet
Wedding
Date:
Time:
Location:
Rehearsal
Date:
Time:
Location:
Bride Info.
Last:
Middle:
First:
Phone:
Email:
Religious Affiliation:
Groom Info.
Last:
Middle:
First:
Phone:
Email:
Religious Affiliation:
Officiating Minister
First:
Last:
Premarital Counseling
Counselor’s Name:
Date of last session:
Wedding Coordinator (if applicable)
First:
Last:
Phone:
Email:
You’ll also want to begin gathering the names of other participants that you choose to include such as:
Ushers
Bridesmaids/Groomsmen
Flower/Ring Bearers
Candle Lighters
Sound/Video technician
Reader(s)
Musicians
Communion Servers
4. Service Planning Template
This planning template assumes that the Christian marriage ceremony is first and foremost a service of worship. It is in the context of worship that two people come before God and the gathered community of faith to offer their vows to one another and seek God’s blessing. The ceremony gives thanks to God for the gift of love and functions to bless and consecrate the man and woman for lifelong commitment and service to each other. Therefore, it is imperative that the wedding service be marked both by celebration and reverence. Keep this in mind as you begin to think about the elements you desire to include.
The order of service reflects the ancient pattern of Christian worship (Gathering, Word, Response, Sending). Resist the temptation to see this as a strait-jacket to your wedding. Instead, this pattern ensures that the service will be rooted in the Christian tradition and contain the essential content of a Christian wedding. This does not however dictate the style of the service which may include traditional and/or contemporary wording, music, visuals, etc. Of course, this section is intended to be a guide and the final order of service will be worked out between you, the couple, and your officiant.
The Basic Shape of a Christian Wedding Service
Gathering
• Entrance • Greeting/Call to Worship • The Charge • The Declaration of Consent (The I Do’s) • Giving in Marriage (Who gives this woman…)
Word
• Prayer of Blessing • Reading of Scripture • Homily (brief sermon based on the selected reading)
Response
• The Marriage Vows • Blessing and Exchanging of Rings • Holy Communion
Sending
• Blessing • Declaration • Presentation of Bride and Groom • Benediction
Music
Some Things to Consider
Appropriateness – Choose music that is appropriate for a service of worship. It should reflect both the celebratory and solemn nature of the event being celebrated. Songs that speak of the love of God and sacrificial human love are especially meaningful. There are many classical and contemporary songs that can function in this way. Songs that speak only of love’s romantic feelings are usually best reserved for the reception. Also, don’t count out the possibility of including of a song of worship where the entire congregation is invited to sing. This makes your friends and family participants, not just observers.
Quality – If possible, live music performed well is always preferred over pre-recorded music as it adds to the richness and uniqueness of the celebration. Of course, your selection of able musicians and diligence in getting them the necessary music in plenty of time will play a huge part in the quality of music. If you must use pre-recorded music, ensure that you acquire the best recording possible and deliver it in plenty of time to the sound technician.